月汶心情日記

well well well.
as i worked today, michelle dropped by to eat dinner!
i'm getting used to seeing her, going out with her and eating with her.
so if it turns into a habit.
i will haunt michelle mans!

anyway.
as we talked about Mr Right on the train.
we met Mr 11 o'clock!
nice nice!
i like.
haha.
but before i left, i attempted to do a try.
hmmm.
173 to 175cm?
HAHHA.
NEVER HIT REQUIREMENTS.
but still.
approved!
HAHHA.
2nd grade!
michelle just reminded me later he tok, then i -.-
but well.
it may be the first time and the last time seeing him in life!

and toking to eye candies is a pure addiction.
AND ENJOYMENT :DD

YES. it's a BIG ISSUE to me.

because for me, once a promise is made, it's important.
for that issue that happened.
my anger didn't came from the MIA for the meet-up.
my anger didn't came from the sorry or no sorry.
but because.
to me, i have anticipated the whole day for the meet-up.
i've spent the whole day thinking what to eat, then what to do.

but in the end, the other person didn't inform me when she knew she's likely not gonna turn up.
so i'm that not important?
so the promise is not that important?

and she even say she cant do anything.
but did you attempt to talk to me, MY DEAR FRIEND.

I was just looking at the available choices that i have.
what choices?
university courses!

i think it's hard to make a choice, especially when i am not sure if i have one.
but well.
i have added new options, other than the business degrees across the 3 Uni.
i'm thinking of doing economics.
but i am thinking twice about its usefulness and i don't wanna end up doing something totally different or end up as a teacher.
AND AND AND.
in polytechnic, the economics are really simple.
And i'm not too sure about the new level that will be welcoming me.

I've also thought of communications and informations.
i have not released my DJ/ News reporter dream though :P
lol.
ok la ok la.
i know it's almost impossible but YA.

AND AND AND.
i have a new interest for political science!
i wanna join the NUS for the masters in public policy.
BUT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
i cant even ensure my place in a university.
so.
dont even mention about MASTERS.
it's very far away!
but well.
SMU is still there for me and it has something that i'm interested in.
Bachelor of Science (Economics) and major in political sciences.
WELLLLLL.
there's still 4 months.
though i cant do much.
lol.
have to start thinking about my future and my choices!
still hoping to join STB as a MT.
and to make that happen, i will need my degree first.
LOL.
so well.
pray hard!

ANYWAY.
it's not that i'm stubborn.
i have my principles to hold on to.
and perhaps, yes, i'm stubborn.

AND AND AND.
hwang tae kyung!
omgish.
what will happen after yoo he yi incident?
what will happen to mi nam!
AND shin woo!
wanna know like NOW!
but i cant! :(

currently so in love with mr kim again.
especially after his try in making the soup.
wa.
nice husband :DD
and and.
lol.
i wanna marry shao ye!
:DD

谁都知道气候会变, 更别说诺言

pissed, not because a promise has been broken.
but because the promise wasn't in the mind of the people who made it.

for all what the other person didn't know, the person who cared about the promise.
actually spent the whole day thinking about it.

and what's more.
the reason for feeling pissed, wasn't understood.

吴尊。
我好想念你的开朗。
能不能暂时把你的开朗借给我？
一下下，一下下就好，可以吗？

好怕一放心睡了
心跳在梦中
不听话的
就停止了

连个说话的人也没有，真是可悲。

let me mention it first.
IT'S PAYBACK TIME.

FEELING UNWELL!
oh gosh.
i think i had an asthma attack last night.
which left me breathless and i didn't even know how i fell asleep, other than thinking it might be a blackout!
oh gosh oh gosh.
last night i was still thinking.
AM I GOING TO DIE.
cos i really can't breathe!

woke up feeling faintish!
wanted to go work but before i can step out of the house.
the world macham SPINNIIINNNGGGGGGGGGGGG!
then i start to become breathless.
AGAIN.
haiis.
gave up and called shirley.
SHIRLEY!
i'm sooooo sorry for the last minute notification!
i seriously dun like taking mc de!
cos of the procedures :P
but i think i wun make it to work!
so i had no choice!
sorry for troubling you everytime!

well.
i think i have to catch the doctor soon
:'(

*I'VE SEEN THE DOCTOR*
yes!
i have seen the doctor.
and apparently, he didn't know what's wrong with me.
cos he said my body parts were doing fine.
but it might a virus infection.
WHAT VIRUS?
I DUNNO!
LOVE VIRUS?
haha.
still got energy to joke.
but well, it's gonna make me worry hard cos everytime i feel breathless, there's nothing that i can do.

SHIT MANS RITE!
so dun be shocked when i see you and i start fainting.
hahaha.

*UNKNOWN*
anyway.
yes.
the unknown.
well.
it's time to make a decision again, isnt it!
i'm getting all the propaganda from everywhere!
JOIN!
DONT JOIN!
join!
dont join!

and i have made a decision.
that's gonna get me scolded AGAIN.
i'm gonna join, but not sure of the department yet.
see la, STUPID CAMP.
every time make me so SHAG and still must get scolding.
but i still choose you.
basket.
ya lar ya lar.
i'm scolding myself basket.
HAIYO.
confused ah!
cant be bothered!

but this year.
last year.
there's so much to worry about.
commitment, ability and much much more.
not sure if i can work like how i used to be.
well, let's see!

*STRONGER!*
anyway, just to drop a note, I'M EVEN STRONGER THESE DAYS!
hahahahahhaha.
be prepared to die mans!
let's see who will be the first one to raise that white flag!
i'll bury those memories, by myself.
:DD

PROG or LOG!

ANYWAY, RANDOM PIC BELOW! GUESS WHAT CAUGHT MY EYES! HEHE.

Hwang Bo Likes Big Bang’s T.O.P!

that was what i saw on the k pop website!
BUT I AM WONDERING!
isn't TOP a good friend of hyun joong!

and this reminds me of what hyun joong has said before!
that he'll not give in when facing a choice between love and friendship.
and he'll fight for his love!
well.
yeah.
as you can see, i'm a joongbo fan.
even though we got married has ended for Lettuce Couple, but they remain in my mind!
well!

Hwang bo and TOP!
well!
worth imagining!

WUZUN!
吴尊!
MR GOH KIAT CHUN!!
吴吉尊!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
生日快乐!

Hope that you'll be able to stay happy as often as you can! (Let's save some occasions for other emotions k!)
Hope that you'll be able to stay healthy! (I'm sure you can! But still, stay healthy k!)
Hope that you'll be able to enjoy life, like the way you want to! (Perhaps travel more and eat more?)
Hope that you'll be able to have more productions, while not over-tiring yourself (Appear more often k! And i'm sure you will take care of yourself.)
Hope that you'll be able to fulfill all your wishes!

There's many many many more!
But well, I can't list all!
ANYWAY!
haha.
It's the 4th year that i'm wishing you a happy birthday!
Glad to have you as my idol for 4 years!
You're a source of encouragement!
Hope that you'll have your source of encouragement too!
Whenever you're feeling down, share with your source of encouragement too k!



Meanwhile, jia you for everything you do!
:DD

Try to remember when life was so tender, that no one wept except the willow.

the few fays of internship have been great except that i have been a temporary it technician due to some network errors!
oh well.
like what i heard someone saying today, see it as another kind of skills picked up!
as least i would have known that it's not easy to handle the network systems!

well.
met a couple who was rather strict today.
i'm not too upset because they were strict with what they hope i'll give them.
because they made me realise that i have so much more to learn, and i cant simply just be complacent.
and thus!
I HAVE TO PUT IN MORE MORE MORE EFFORT!
i will try ok!
haha.

i'm really thankful for those who made my day on the 4th october!
thanks for letting me know that you like my existence!
well!
there's still a long long long journey to go!
shall try to be positive and yeah!

像煙花吧。
美麗，
璀璨。

像煙火吧。
短暫，
易忘。

today was a DRAMATIC DAY!
the range of tourists encountered was seriously WIDE!
ranging from public buses to tour around till complains and even till knowing more about cinemas and movies in singapore!
well.
this shows how much i still lack and need to update myself!
i hope by the end of the internship, i will be able to know a lot more.
in fact, i already knew a lot more than what i never knew i would know.
but there's much more to go, so FIGHTING!

and...
i felt a sense of helpless today.
as a service personnel.
i just recalled saying this on my e journal:
"Just do your best because doing your best is the best you can do"
but from today's experience, i can only say doing your best is simply not enough.
you have to do your best, to suit your guests' needs and demand.
it's not going to be an easy job and especially because different guests have different expectations.
but well, since service and especially a good one will definitely require us to meet guests' expectation,
we will have to accomplish that job and task!

and well, i hope i will have sufficient courage to face any difficult situation in the future!
*twist my fingers*
it's probably something that is bound to happen one day.
especially so in my life, if i want to continue working in this service line.
but yes, i will try my best to do well!

and well.
i really enjoyed my day.
though it was dramatic.
between probably 6 to 8, i have only served probably 4 tourists!
haha.
super looooonnnngggg to serve them right!
because i was having some little talks with them!
i'm really thankful for them because they have enlightened me in some aspects of life.
they gave me knowledge about things that i will never know.
they made me feel guilty because some of them have more love for singapore than i have.
but well, that's why i love meet tourists from all over the world!
you sure learn a lot!
and i recommended phobia2 to a couple.
i hope they will enjoy the horror movie!
such movies may not be available back at their hometown.
WELL.
tourism is such an interesting industry huh!
:DD

FOR THE DAY!
i know it hurts when you fall.
you can dwell on it.
it's normal.
but do learn from your pain, move on and remind yourself,
NEVER FALL AGAIN IN THE SAME WAY.

那天，很偶然地夢見了你。
很怪的夢，因為來的很突然。
可是，它背後是否有意義，我不知道。

Anyway.
那天我在列車上，看到一對情侶。
他們,讓我不知不覺地盤問自己。
世界上，如何能只注視著一個人？
要如何，讓那個人，成為世界的中心？

我不太清楚，也忘了這種感覺。
此時此刻，我只以學業，事業為重。
還有！
我的偶像們！
我覺得很高興，因為至少還有我的偶像們！
他們是我的精神支柱！
讓我把他們一一列出:

2002:
周渝民,仔仔

2004:
Kim Jong Kook, 김종국, 金钟国
U-Know Yunho, 정윤호, 郑允浩
东方神起, DBSK, Tohoshinki
Kim Hyun Joong, 김현중, 金贤重

2006:
吴尊, 吴吉尊
飞轮海
辰亦儒, Calvin

2008:
Kim Kyu Jong, 김규종, 金圭钟
SS501

2009:
Choi Min Ho, 최민호, 崔珉豪
Lee Tae Min, 이태민, 李泰民
SHINee

HMMMM。
其中，影響我最深的應該是吳尊。
因為他，很多灰心的時候，總能堅持度過。
Thanks Mr Goh!
you may not know how you have influenced me but it was really important to me!
:DD

Start of internship!
with some pics from training :D


because it's Singapore,Singapore,
you'll find happiness, for EVERYONE.

k, i know that's quite random but yes, i just got reminded of that SONG LOR.
anyway, what can i complain about singapore, except bout its size?
HMMM.


Listen, to the history and theheart beats of singapore.
Listen.


open, double deck bus.
where can you find in singapore!


this 5 months ain't going to be, me.
this 5 months will be about US.


please don't hurt me :'(


if life can be predicted, do we still call life, a life or a routine?

anyway.
internship has been on for 3 days!
i'm still quite nervous.
though mummy rosie did say that we'll be able to get hold of the job once we start,
i still feel that i dont have sufficient knowledge!
though there hasn't been difficult guests,
but i cant assume there won't be in the future.

i'm afraid but i do know that, i have to face it.
it's my job, my learning experience.
please give me my one hour to settle my emotions then.
i hope to grow strong and stronger.
just like mummy rosie :D
i hope to be able to see life,
in a very positive light.

well.
i need to stay positive and just do my best ya!
though i know doing best, doesn't mean doing good and correct.
it doesn't mean that everyone appreciates it!
BUT WELL.
doing it to the best is probably the best thing i can do!
SO YA!
just try my best!



life ain't gonna be just black and white.
life is grey.
but learn to blend in.

even it's gonna be a sunset,
be a beautiful one.

yeah!
the hits on my blog exceeded 10,000!
haha.
i seriously wonder how did that happen!
but anyway!
i'll jia you for my internship!

shall end with super junior-m's new song!
A CHINESE ONE!
AND I'LL BE LIKE ITS TITLE- SUPER GIRL!
슈퍼걸!

okay, 10 days of destination training is OVER!
oh gosh.
sadded!
at first, i cant help to deny.
the training was TIRING!
oh mans!
i thought my legs were going to surrender.
but as days went by, they just got used to it.
haha.

i went with the mindset, hoping that it can instill more love for singapore, within me.
AND IT SUCCEEDED!
i never saw singapore from those angles before.
trust me.
singapore needs more than 2 weeks for a full exploration.
don't think that i'm saying rubbish.
you SHOULD TRY.

Day 1:
went to the HQ and had classroom sessions before moving out to the national museum and peranakan museum.
i love going to musuems!
the national museum has this amazing audio tour and you should try!
the peranakan museum is simple colourful and BLING BLING!

then met shan shan and jenny back at Tam1's sushi tei and had dinner there.
:DD
stomach aches!

Day 2:
went to the ZOO!
yahoo!
it has been XXXX ages since i went to the zoo!
watched the seal performing and the penguins were super duper cute!
walked and walked and walked!
trust me.
the zoo needs your full day's attention!
loved the horses!
never went that CLOSE to horses before!
:D

then went to the night safari.
it's very dark but it's still interesting, even though i've been there before!
it's just totally different from a day zoo!
the creatures of the night show was incredible and the snake scared me! seriously!

was very very very tired by the end of the day.
but it was quite a fulfilling trip there!

Day 3:
went to the marina south pier!
a place not to be missed at night!
and finally a trip to the barrage!
huge!
and hot!
and the concept behind it was super interesting!

and i got on the FLYER!
woohoo!
nice nice nice!
you can have dinner on it too!
hehe.
future plans.

and went for asian civilisation museum!
interestingly interesting!
i wanna go there again!
hehe.
BUT I NEED SOMEONE TO GO WITH ME.
lol.


and went for singapore river cruise.
the along the singapore river is simple woohoo!
walked around the quay (s)!
wanna go there for a drink!
who's FREE!

Day 4:
back to sentosa!!
o-my o-my!
before the trip in.
was the RELEASE of results.
oh gosh.
oh my hopes of getting 'As' WERE DASHED.
seriously disappointed in myself and my performance.
thought that i could seriously do better.
and i am super worried about university admission.
urgh.

nevermind!
shall enter sentosa with a happy mindset.
enjoyed myself throughout!
loved the luge, cineblast and SEGWAY!
NICCEE!! :DD
enjoyable and fulfilling day!

Day 5:
had the hippotours and duck-tours around!
they were so interesting!
i finally understood why tourists loved them!
went around and by day 5, friday.
i was super tired!
i wondered how the tourists managed to move around!
but just with 5 days, a new opinion on singapore was formed.
a good one!

Day 6:
had in-house training and went to the airport!
i really love the airport a lot!
many memories just gushed up when i was walking around!
and had a good laugh with zhiwei in the mrt when we talked about our plans for 2030.
HAHA.
medi-tourism.
slow motion roller coasters!

Day 7:
had mummy rosie to bring us around the ethnic quarters!
had a totally different view on them!
had good breakfast!
i wanna go back and try the indian food again!
the ethnic quarters were what me zhiwei cassie and jiayi wanna go back after the end of internship!
:DD
we'll get our new year's clothes done!

Day 8 & 9:
in room classrooms sessions for soft skils.
tiring in room sessions but yes, they are necessary.
role plays are interesting!
haha.
well.
they allowed me to have a better view and expectation on the job!
BUT THE TRAINING IS GONNA BE OVER :((

Day 10:
started off with changi museum tour.
trust me.
i almost cried.
looking at those messages left behind.
seriously, i will cry out loud.
if i stay there any longer.
i really wanna go back again!

then went katong area to have laksa :D
but my mood wasn't recovered from the sadness gained at the changi museum.
bought pastries and went to the fort and the park nearby.
it's just so interesting to discover the history!

and then headed back to HQ for assessments!
thanks to koreen for all the little gifts!
and before i know it.
THE TRAINING WAS OVER!
seriously.
i enjoyed myself and i think that it was the best training i ever had!
TOMORROW IS MY OFFICIAL DAY OF WORK!
i'm nervous and excited!
but well.
shall try to keep myself happy and excited!
yuewen!
FIGHTING!

List of places i wanna return:
1. Fort Siloso
2. Battle Box
3. Changi Museum
4. Singapore Art Museum
5. Asian Civilisation Museum
AND MANY MANY MORE!

met wai, glen, shan and gerold yesterday.
had dinner at watami and saw cassie!
well.
its gonna be a long time till i see them again!

haha.
as mentioned previously, it's time for a RESET!
yup yup.
yuewen's blog looks strange right!
with those bright colours,
with "sweet love" as my blog's song.
AND IT'S for the EMO BLOGGER QUEEN!

HAHA.
well.
just wanna reset my mood!
now i just want to keep my spirits HIGH HIGH HIGH!
UP UP UP IN THE SKY!
wheeee!

internship's starting soon!
looking forward to it!
i know it'll be an exciting 5 months.
and i shall not dread over it but
ENJOY IT AS MUCH AS I CAN!

anyway.
went out with cassie and jocelyn yesterday!
HAHAH.
supposedly to bugis, but ended up in orchard.
WENT TO EAT AGAIN!
hahha.
dinner, after dinner-tea break, and snacks!
SERIOUSLY!
can die from eating!
HAHAHA.
you can see from out dear models, namely cassandra and jocelyn's--> BEFORE and AFTER.



jocelyn and cassandra: BEFORE


jocelyn and cassandra: AFTER


wheeee! I'M STILL CRAVING FOR JAP FOOD!
and this restaurant's service is SUPERB!

:DD

YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
EXAMS' OVER!
well.
something worth celebrating but uh-huh.
not yet.
wait till results are back.

CAN'T BELIEVE EXAMS ARE OVER FOR ALMOST A WEEK!
so damn tough to pass through that few weeks.
mugging at home.
AT SNAIL'S SPEED!.
super distracted here and there!

EMMMM.
according to memory...
F&B was... quite okay!
HAHA.
strictly followed revision lecture!

then it was very tough to survive through the weekends!
cos it seemed like exams were over!
BUT APPARENTLY THEY WEREN'T.

emmm.
then studying for DPD was a torture at first.
cos i felt it was SERIOUSLY theoretical.
but picked up speed behind.
so it ended up not that bad.
and the paper itself was quite okay i think!

THEN HERE COMES THE DISASTER!
i thought lodging would be quite okay but it wasn't!
it got drier at the later part of the studying!
AND A DAY BEFORE EXAMS.
NONONO.
MIDNIGHT!
I SAW A COCKROACH IN MY ROOM!
and it destroyed all my studying plan.
*sob sob*
and then the paper.
was another disaster.
it's a moment that hasn't take place since AGES AGO!
turning to the first page of the examination paper and having a brain block.

O.M.G.
was my first expression.
speechless.
WHAT'S THAT!
i have totally no idea how to answer those questions.
and i used to love R*** hotel a lot.
but now.
haha.
let me think twice.
i'm seriously worried about the results.
and i'm just praying hard that everything will be alright!

then i had to end mice with a very worried mindset cos of lodging.
but i was thankful for mice.
cos at least it made me feel excited reading it.
i really loved mice kind of subject.
very practical and real.
emmm!
studied at ku ma house before heading home.
and before i knew it, it was the last paper!
oh mans.
i really wonder how can time fly this way.
weeks ago i was worrying how i'll survive through those times.
AND AH-HUH!
it was the end!
mice was ok except it almost broke my hand.
had almost no time to finish.
and i just finished what i could, even if i said i finished on time.
so it means it wasn't finished in the best way.

but everyone was super happy after the paper.
and met jocelyn and cassie to watch UP!

yahoo.
i think it's quite nice.
love the cloud trailer!
super funny!
think it'll be one of the next movie!
i'll be watching out for that!

emmmm.
UP was pretty nice.
the boy was cute!
well.
i guessed it just reminded us that regardless our age, we should go for our dreams.
though it may be tough, and seemed impossible.
it also reminded us that sometimes, we shouldn't be too stubborn over certain matters.
sometimes, we need to see beyond what we are seeing and move on!
ah.
nice movie for kids!
HAHA.

and then spent saturday on my dinner and shan's surprise.
bye bye daddy!
must jia you for serving the nation k!
HAHA.
take care and come back safely!

then sunday passed by very fast before monday came.
met jenny and shan for k box and had dinner at bakerzin with shan, jenny, sandra and huiru!
SUPER FULL AH!
had one million dessert!
HAHA.

then went home and went ku ma house.
had little chats with shan and jenny.
laughed till i almost died.
and anyway.
COCKROACHES :|

if someone wants to continue the story and become the next lead after our first male lead.
then we can only be supporting characters right!
not my fault leh!

we can have dinner at the field with neighbours' help! :D
hehe.

well.
going to start a new chapter of my life soon!
it's time for.



A RESET.

EXAMS ARE HERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEE!
more sucky than ever!
BUT!
it's probably the last time in poly.
and the toughest cos THERE'S LIKE 4 PAPERS CAN!
super no time!

and coursework grades aren't helping to provide a single bit of motivation!
HAIIS.

eggcited cos INTERN'S COMING!
wanna have a taste of working and working and working and thinking that I'M A FULL TIME WORKER NOW!
CHIONG CHIONG CHIONG AH!

GPA!
JIA YOU MANS!

It's okay to know that you're alone, cos you've still got your shadow.

It's just so sad to know that you're just someone to the world.
and well.
i take that fact.
even if it hurts.

what's more.
you dont even know it.



never did expect the world to understand me.
cos i've never did to understand the world.
but for those who did.
thanks for it.

for your understanding.
may only be the reason why.
i can still smile for once more.

ps. if you cant understand me, what's the difference between you and a stranger? a stranger may be able to understand me better. cos the stranger may use his/her heart, not his/her eyes.

LURBE LURBE X one million!
TO THOSE WHO ARE STILL WITH ME!

times are tough huh.
people changing, world's changing.
so sadded when i heard about the deaths cos of natural disasters.
AND HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!
seriously.
though i always complain about you being SOOOOO SMALL.
but you are 麻雀虽小,五脏俱全 !!
seriously.
protecting us from harm!
lurbe lurbe kk!

anyway i almost teared when i heard that chain of national day songs!
OMG.
cant believe mans.
but all goosebumps stood up!
SERIOUSLY.
should watch live next year!
ANYONE INTERESTED?
hahahahaha.

AND AND AND.
went shopping spree with jocelyn just now.
ok la.
not really a spree but bought myself something i like even thou I AM SUPER BROKE.
hahahaha.

OH YES.
not forgetting to mention, i went for the senior forum today!
hmmm.
after today, i am considering if i cant get into local university.
i will work first.
then i will go overseas for my degree!
opening up to options!

before i end!
yes.
i dreamt of... WUZUN!
hahaha.
HAPPY!
WHEEE~
though it's just a dream.
AND A STRANGE ONE.
cos the situation is like:

my mum: oh, what did you study when you were in university?
wz: oh, i studied business.
my mum: oh, so have you worked in the industry relating to business before?
me: aiya, he don't have to work in the business to gain that experience. anyway, he've got his gyms to handle as well.
THE END-

strange right?!
dont understand why i had that dream but ya!
haha. nice to see him though :D

FA-LA-LA.
trying to take life easier.
hopefully!
HAHAH.
living positively,
positively living!
:DD

ps. at least being cheerful was what wuzun taught me :)

After today, i have realised that there are too many things that aren't within our control.
people come people go.
if they aren't destined to stay, they wouldn't.

and if you dont make the effort to stay,
and you dont understand why we stayed,
why are you still staying?
THINK.

p.s. if you cant understand, what makes you different from a stranger.

天生，没有谁，是谁的伴侣。
天生，没有谁，会永远陪谁。
天生，没有谁，和你一起来到这个世界上。

所以，天生，你必须习惯要如何一个人生活。
因为不会有任何一个人，有那个能力，陪你一直到最后。


yes.
start to feel a bit alone.
well, it's not the first time already.
it's okay, cos i know this was the consequence of my choices.
and so how can i expect everyone else to be still the same, cos no one will be the same.

as the semesters are coming to an end,
can i finally end those lifeless life and return to the ever exciting drama life?
nah nah nah, i dont think so.
cos every character that had been involved in my life drama are no longer the same anymore.
even myself perhaps.

6713.
sometimes i really wonder.
if these numbers are important.
or are they just numbers?
i guessed so.
it should be the latter.
just the numbers themselves MAKES ME BOIL.
i dont even want to think about the people within the number.
whatever right?
cos if no one bothers them in mind.
cos if no one remembers them.
cos if no one sees them.
who cares?

are disbanding.
or are we not even a group in the first place.
after the chalet talk, SERIOUSLY.
i dont know what have been taking place.
it's not stagnant to me.
it's disappearing.

perhaps soon.
even meeting out becomes meaningless.
RIGHT?
maybe none of you will see this.
maybe none of you will see this coming.

i really dont know what lies ahead.
cos i cant even see what's happening now.

when you look back, do you see yourself alone?
or is it just me, who only sees my own shadow?

yeah yeah.
still feeling as stressed up as i did yesterday!
BUT.
with a little breakthrough!

ER.
to those who are feeling stressed as well, no matter what, try to be a little positive.
WELL.
you may say, it's easy for me to say be positive, but in fact, it's not.
AND.
yes, i totally agree!
i'm like that as well.
but well.
keep some hope for yourself.
life isn't that bad yet!
at least we are healthy living here IN SINGAPORE.
yeah yeah.
what we are facing probably is nothing to those poor people out there.
suffering in cold and in hunger.
SO LET'S TRY TO BE POSITIVE!
face the challenges today!
look back on your rights and wrongs!

LET'S DO IT!

and if i have a choice.
i will rather leave him.
and raise the child myself.
cos that child stayed within me for 10 months.
nothing can compare to my own blood and flesh.

stress-thought-i-can-do-it-shoulders are seriously shaking.
Stress level for examinations are piling up like nobody's business.
I don't wanna think about it anymore!
URGH.
Enough of headache now.
Ah.

But it just keep haunting me.
Stress.
:'(

Dreams are just dreams,
As they stuck inside my head.

Dreams,
I guess I'm just made of dreams.

As I see my life pass before my eyes,
And when this journey is over,
Will all my dreams come true.

Or will dreams, be just dreams.

3 hours of sleep.
awaiting for the explosion.

stress-thought-i-can-do-it shoulders.
seemed to be shaking right now.

the future seems to be unpredictable.
and i don't even know what is ahead right now.

all i've got myself was more and more troubles.
thanks to that and i'm nearing to gain the ability of.
being unable to differentiate laughter and tears soon.

是否优美才容易获取所爱
是否要不同才能活的精彩
是否必須和各界眼光比赛

我的长相我要怎么去改
或許我早已不需要改變
因為自尊心早被笑掩盖

不能怪凡人用眼睛恋爱
因為身世樣貌從古到今
從為改變地是爱的障碍

观众那些界线不會改變
完美的标准全擺在面前
人都不再尋找幸福的點

我知道我不會閃閃發亮
但世界谁亦有被爱的臉
能否蒙起双眼找尋夢界

若能忘记言论評語重量
若能忘記旁人斜眼指點
若能忘記所有悲傷畫面

知道我天生不會是偶像
不論心底如何拼命发亮
光芒照耀不出無底的洞

一切到最終還是一場惡夢
沒有經曆過的人不可能懂
那種習慣眼淚洗面的日子

只專屬與我這種人才會懂

when you are questioning why aren't people appearing, why not think back and ask yourself.
how many times have you rejected a trip cos of the purpose of the trip?
is the purpose of the trip the purpose of the trip or does the purpose has another purpose for the trip?
now i hope you have understood.
but yes.
i think that word is kinda important.
HOPE.

well.
watched harry potter and the half blood prince with my dear mei mei, sulin, jocelyn and reuben.
yahoo!
well.
i would say the movie did disappoint me a bit.
cos they said it will be dark.
but seriously.
i didn't feel that.
as i watched the trailer and got myself prepare to hate malfoy.
however.
i didn't manage to do that.
and instead.
i felt sad for him.
because he simply wasn't able to make himself a bastard or someone that dreadful.
he's just simply not bad enough.

and the stories and scenes between lavender brown and ron weasley was a total "thanks ah".
my eyeballs travelled to both north pole and south pole before they came back.
ginny and harry are as strange.
for all the episodes, nothing happened and suddenly!
ah huh!
love is powerful isn't it!
and ginny and ron.
are really siblings.
SERIOUSLY LOR.
tsk tsk.
the kissing ability born in them.

anyway.
in addition.
it was super sad to see dumbledore die.
with just a simple spell.
this simply reminds me that a simplest thing, can still easily kill you.
and poor snape.
i wished i had a little of his courage.
to be able to withstand the blames and stares.
all by himself, all alone.
in order to achieve the final victory.
well.
it's not easy to live like him.
sometimes i think he's a sad one.
he worked very hard to become what he was.
he was always alone, not having any little sense of popularity.
yet, at the deepest part of him, he still has a kinda pure heart.

then when dumbledore and harry went to get the necklace, oh mans.
that was super eggciting!
the part where something came out SERIOUSLY SCARED ME.
so sudden!
then i think it was very true.
there may be times.
when you will start to reject doing somethings.
but you have to get yourself forcing down the throat.
and that's REALLY REALLY SAD.

this show just reminded me.
that someone, perhaps not one.
that something, perhaps not a thing.
have to be sacrificed in order to obtain something.

things that seem to be wrong, may be right.
things that seem to be right, may be wrong.
people that seem to be good, may be bad.
people that seem to be bad, may be good.

you'll probably never understand if you just use your eyes, or even your heart.
we can only await for the truth, to unfold itself.

anyway.
meanwhile.
live your life to the fullest.
do the best for everything you do.
cos you'll never know when you'll have no more chances.

well.
finally all projects are down.
but dunno why.
i ain't that happy enough to set fireworks into my sky.

emmm.
spent the saturday out with proggers.
it amazed me how the different generations come together.
and as i talk to li zhen and shu xian, we are surprised to know that.
yes, 3 years have gone passed.
just like that?
or
just like that.
or
just like that!
i don't have the answer now.
but all i know is that, poly made me grew in many ways, both good and bad i guess.

sunday was a day out at tiong bahru and parkway.
dinner was done by me.
spinach spaghetti with clam, served with white wine sauce.
and.
fried korean rice cake with noodles and fishcakes.

then both days i spent my time watching harry potter.
ALL
OVER
AGAIN.
as i watched it throughout, right after one another.
wow.
a new thing learnt.

as i watch harry grew up, like how i did (i started watching harry potter since i was in PRIMARY SCH)
i realised, things happening are so real.
we all started off with little innocent kids.
perhaps not all.
especially mal.
but.
many memories just all came gushing into my brain, and my heart.

so if we are just like harry potter.
as we grow older,
we may have disputes.
we may have distrust.
we may have stood by each other.
we may have pushed each other away.
and many many more.

then.
are we going to get darker.
are we going to get more alone than ever.
are we going to have the happily ever after ending?
well.
maybe yes.
maybe no.

too much of thinking recently.
overloaded my brain with too much information.
well.
one thing i would at least conclude from so much.
i miss school life.
i mean.
pure academic life.
times when you dont study for tests and you dont have to give a damn.
times when you can just play during class ignoring what the teacher says.
times when you spend time thinking where to play after school has ended.
times when you are troubled over what and where to party days after days.
well.
probably not that much fun.
but at least.
it seemed fun.
or perhaps.
it was just me who have forgotten the pain or tough times i used to have in the past.
that made me thought.
the past would probably the better.

BUT.
here's a problem.
we cant go back to the past.
so what can we do now?
go for a better future.

i think i will need a lot more time for that.
meeting jing chun and annabelle tomorrow.
off i go.
to think about more stuff!



当世界不知不觉的变了
有时候我怀念以前的我

做的梦虽然远远的
想像是一种快乐

拥有了同时也失去什么
而眷恋原来会带来软弱

你让我在雾里成熟
心开始曲折

我不想舍得不想懂得
是谁惹谁言不由衷

说谎伤害都是不安犯的错
怕抱不紧什么

不一样。
一切都不一样了。
我们，不可能回到从前。