月汶心情日記

try answering these questions:

-have you ever wonder how much you worth in others' mind?
-have you ever wonder if your so-called best friends see you as their best as well?
-have you ever wonder if trust every existed between you and your friends?
-have you ever wonder if what is you see or hear is the not the truth?
-have you ever wonder if it's better to be alone?
-have you ever wonder if it's better to keep all the things to yourself?
-have you ever wonder what's the point of sharing or opening up?
-have you ever wonder what is trust?
-have you ever wonder what is friendship?
-have you ever wonder what is worth up till today?
-have you ever wonder why do you have to be so tired?
-have you ever been betrayed?
-have you ever been back-stabbed?
-have you ever been forgotten?
-have you ever been unheard, or perhaps, never heard?
-have you ever been given up?
-have you ever been remembered by your so-called friends or clique?
-have you ever been worth a place in your friends' heart or clique's?
-have you ever been dreaming about the past?
-have you ever been wishing that you hope to go back to the older days?
-have you ever been told that nothing was wrong but you knew there was?
-have you ever been placed in a position that tells you, thanks ah, you're not my best friend?

well.
if you can answer any up there.
i can tell you, i did also.

when you thought people that you were close with.
because in fact you aren't close with them in their minds.

you thought that they are your perhaps your best buddies.
but they actually said that someone else.
was the only person that was there for him/her to hold on.
or even to rely when times are tough.

when you are ready.
standing by the side.
to open your ears and arms for your friends.
but they never ever thought of confiding in you.

when the whole world was out there enjoying.
but the whole world, excluded you.

and in the end.
you end up.
alone.
alone.
alone.

when you are only left with your shadows.
to talk to, to confide, to laugh, to cry.

and when you end up thinking alone will be a better decision.
and your friends then tell you, dont emo, dont sad
but they just dont understand. they dont. they just dont.

and when you say that you wanna go back to the past.
the simpler past.
the happier past.

you then realise.
there isn't a simpler past.
there isn't a happier past.

that is the truth.
that is the reality.

hurtful words.
hurtful actions.
hurtful memories.

a hurt you.

AND.
tired.
do you think i am not?
do you think i am very free?
do you think that i have nothing to do except for waiting for you?

i can tell you i'm freaking stressed and tired too!
how much things i have on hand?
but do i have to show it out as well?
all my tiredness and unhappiness?
RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FREAKING IRRITATING FACE?

so if the whole world is tired, shall we just let's just let it collapse?
what's not tiring in this world?
tired of living?

GO!
go to the middle of the road during the busy traffic periods.
go find a vehicle to knock you down.
and if you find one.
you better find a gigantic truck or bus.
and make sure you die.

GO!
go and jump off the building.
make sure you choose one that is tall enough.
and you will die from your jump.

GO!
GO LA.
WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?

come on!
we are here.
not for no reason.
we are given such a chance to live.
what's so hard that can collapse you?
what's so tough that you cant overcome?

yes. it will be tough.
who ever told you that being born as a human was easy?
please la.
do you think you have a choice?
come on.
YOU ARE STILL HERE, IDIOT!

so what's the big deal now?
just take it in.
for goodness sake.
who knows you dont even have a chance anymore.
the next second.
you may drop dead.



I never needed you to be strong
I never needed you for pointing out my wrongs

I never needed pain
I never needed strain

I never needed you for judgment
I never needed you to question what I spend

I never ask for help
I take care of myself

I never needed your corrections
On everything from how I act to what I say

I never needed words
I never needed hurts

And it’s a little late for conversations
There isn’t anything for you to say

And my eyes hurt, hands shiver
So look at me and listen to me

Because

I don’t want to stay another minute
I don’t want you to say a single word

Because

I don’t want to, do this any longer
I don’t want you, there's nothing left to say

I get the final say and I am never beaten, broken not defeated
I know next to you is perhaps not where I belong

No more words
No more lies
No more crying

No more pain
No more hurt
No more trying

hush.