月汶心情日記

bangkok trip is just so not enough to blog.
for those who thought i had a great time there, thanks ah.
but saddly, i didn't.

felt helpless.
as helpless like them.
it's like hands stretched out.
there, but not there.

came back from bangkok.
felt like the world changed.
quarantined at home?
wa.
i suddenly understood what it may feel like to be kept.
if it was secondary school days, i may set fireworks.
but thanks ah.
it's poly days.
and another round of thanks.
it's during project peak.
even as much i as i want to go school, i cant.

i know somehow my project mates will have this "X" feeling.
i know somehow they will feel that i'm not there.
i know somehow when i am quarantined, it may feel like i am just not there.
maybe you wun have these feelings.
but at least.
i have it.
i cant say anything much.
cos i am really not there.
but i am as helpless.
and never did i expect that a quarantine will come.
maybe i cant understand how you guys felt.
cos i wasn't there.
but i didn't felt good being at home alone.

and now.
it's gonna end.
school's gonna start next week.

then i start to understood what someone has told me before.
an unexpected surprise drop and disappointment.
when someone actually disagree with what you have done.
first time.
first time in my life.
i dont know how to react.
but what my brain told me is.
solve it.
while my mind is still trying to find an answer.
and i think.
i start to understand how you feel.

seriously.
i have been totally idealess.
i have been totally helpless.
but being helpless, just isn't the solution to the problem.
now what i have to do.
is to face it.
is to anticipate it.
is to confront it.

i suddenly thought of coming soon.
the choice you have made.
regardless good or bad,
will come back to haunt you.

and somehow i start to feel.
am i not longer someone that you can trust?
maybe.
that's the reason why.
i have closed hearts facing me.

suddenly, the world seemed different to me.
i think i can do this alone.
anyway.
there wun be anyone there.
and even if there is.
you cant help.
and so it's okay.
i think i will just walk this journey alone.
and that's why i am born on the 1.
it's just destined.